The Legion of the Undead
by lotr-obsessed53
Summary: “Good. Although if a mindless buffoon like you could get the job without suspicion, then I suppose even a pigeon could get the job without any suspicion.”
1. The DADA professor

Harry Potter and the Legion of the Undead  
  
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Thunder shook the ground, lightning lit up the sky continuously, and rain lashed down, non-stop. This storm was looking to be the worst storm of the year. Meteorologists claim that the storm will last well into the week, never ceasing, and will be the biggest storm of the century. Record breaking rainfall is predicted and no one in their right mind would be out in a storm this bad. But, yet, in the midst of all of this there stood two solitary figures, silent and unmoving. Heavy cloaks were draped over their shoulders, soaked by the onset. They were watching the rain beat mercilessly down onto the castle, each lost in their own thoughts. A third figure came out of the trees and walked up to the first two figures. It stood watching the castle for a couple minutes, imitating the others. It was a couple of minutes before the new figure spoke.  
  
"My, aren't we the talkative bunch today?" it said cheekily. "Don't you just love this weather. An exceptional day to be outside, don't ya think?"  
  
"Screw you," growled one of the original watchers. "What's the news? Anything important?"  
  
"The Defense Against the Dark Arts position is still open. Apparently the job is supposed to be cursed, so nobody wants it anymore. I should have an easy time getting it. Dumbledore's getting anxious about not finding anyone. Dumbledore remains clueless. He is so intent and worried about what the outside world is doing against Voldemort, he is forgetting about checking the school for 'suspicious' people. He isn't paying much attention to the small picture, just the big. Potter is still be protected by that ancient magic. There is no chance that he can be harmed while at his relatives place. Fudge is still the biggest idiot on the planet. He's pelting Dumbledore with owls wondering what on Earth he should do. Then he takes all the credit for coming up with the ideas. How he ever became Minister is beyond me."  
  
"Everything's beyond you, Night Eye," piped up the second of the original watcher, ignoring the glare and protests from the third figure. "What about Malfoy? Is he out, yet? Or do we have to wait?"  
  
"He's still in Azkaban. Voldemort's going to break out the Death Eaters in there pretty soon. The Dementors have joined with him already, so it shouldn't be too hard to do," replied Night Eye.  
  
"That's good. We wouldn't want Malfoy out of commission for too long. He's too high up on Voldemort's followers for that," the first of the original watchers said.  
  
The three figures lapsed into silence once more. Each brooding on their own thoughts. The silence was broken by the continuous rain and thunder.  
  
Night Eye sighed and said, "I'd better go to the castle and apply to the Defense Against the Dark Arts job before Dumbledore gets too desperate. He might hire a green penguin or a loud-mouth bass or something like that. Bye Turalyon, see you soon. Gul'dan." The figure started to leave, but stopped when a voice came.  
  
"Be careful. Let no one know who you are. And, for cripe's sake, remember your phony name this time. We don't need another incident like the last one," Turalyon said. "Oh, also, don't hurt the students too much."  
  
"Always am. I won't. For the last time, that wasn't my fault. Wouldn't dream of it," came the reply answering each statement. The last statement was said with an evil smirk attached to it., that could only just be seen through the rain. Night Eye started off again and didn't stop for the next voice coming.  
  
"Get the Headmaster to trust you, so he won't become suspicious of your mission. And report back with all the information you find. Remember to change your personality so that no one knows," called Gul'dan to the retreating back. Night Eye lifted a hand to signal that it heard and understood and disappeared into the forest, heading for the castle. The original two watchers were once again on their own.  
  
"Well, that went well. You two didn't exchange one insult throughout that whole conversation. I am impressed. It must be a record of some kind, going 15 minutes without an insult. I must write this down," observed Turalyon.  
  
"Shut up. You have been hanging around with the spawn of Satan too long. Night Eye is starting to rub off on you," Snarled Gul'dan. "You'll be just as bad one of these days if you don't find a new friend to hang out with."  
  
"I thought you said no one can be as bad as Night Eye, plus I'm not easily corrupted," retorted Turalyon.  
  
"Fine! You won't be as bad, but probably close. Night Eye can corrupt anyone. Remember Azshara. She was perfectly normal and shy until she met Night Eye. Look at her now! That is major corruption," Gul'dan replied.  
  
"Ah, yes, dear old Azshara. What an angel," Turalyon replied with a twinkle in his eye that couldn't be seen through the rain. Gul'dan simply scowled and walked away, disappearing into the trees. Turalyon chuckled and looked back out at the castle, just in time to see a figure emerge from the Forbidden Forest and head up to the front doors. He shortly followed after Gul'dan, praying for Night Eye.  
  
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Night Eye walked silently up to the front doors of the castle, pushing its way through the rain that was still heavily pouring down, schooling its face into an unreadable mask, void of all emotion. The castle was actually a school, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  
  
^What kind of name is Hogwarts? Hogs don't have warts as far as I know, although I don't know a lot on hogs, so maybe I shouldn't question it. Maybe I could find a hog and ask it if it has warts. That's an idea. Wait! Hogs don't talk. ^ Night Eye thought.  
  
The musings on the school's name were brought to an abrupt halt as the entrance doors loomed in front of the figure. Night Eye's face was once again made void of all emotion (during the thoughts it had an amused look on it). The figure raised its hand and knocked on the huge doors, hearing the sound echo around inside in the empty corridors. A few minutes later, the doors opened. On the other side was a witch with a stern looking face and a tight bun, who gave off the air of someone you shouldn't mess with. The witch looked at the stranger with mild curiosity. After all, it isn't everyday that someone knocks on the doors in the worst storm of the year, soaking wet and not even bothered by it. The stranger didn't even seem to notice that a storm was raging on, but just looked at the witch with an raised eyebrow. Suddenly, the witch noticed that the stranger was still standing in the rain.  
  
"Oh, come on in," she stepped off to the side to allow the stranger to get in. "Who are you and what are you doing here?"  
  
"I'm Chloe Gustafson. I'm here to apply to the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. That is if it's still open," replied the stranger.  
  
"The position is still open. Dumbledore has been worried that we wouldn't find anyone for that job, considering the last few teachers that have held that position," said the witch that opened the door. "I'm Minerva McGonnagall. I teach transfiguration. Come on, I'll show you the way to the Headmasters office." With that she turned and headed towards the office. Chloe stayed behind for a second to cast a drying spell on herself and then followed.  
  
Professor McGonnagall led the way, wondering about the applicant. She looked sideways at Chloe, who had caught up and was looking mildly at the portraits they passed. This person was different than the others who had had the job before. Chloe was a thin, 5'6" tall woman. She has dirty dish water blond hair and pale blue eyes that looked like ice. She wasn't beautiful, but not ugly either. On the whole, she looked quite average, except one thing. No emotion showed on her face. In fact the only facial expression that McGonnagall saw was the raised eyebrow when she opened the door, otherwise the face remained blank. Professor McGonnagall was strongly reminded of another professor in the school who was like that. She sincerely hoped that Chloe wouldn't be another Severus Snape. One was quite enough. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she passed the entrance to the Headmasters office without noticing. Embarrassed with herself she walked back to the statue. If she wouldn't have been so flustered, she might have noticed the amusement flash over the others features for a brief moment.  
  
"Canary Creams"  
  
The statue moved aside and revealed a winding staircase, leading to Dumbledore's office. Chloe nodded her thanks to Professor McGonnagall and ascended the stairs, leaving the latter behind. Once at the top, she knocked on the door and waited somewhat patiently.  
  
"Come in," came the call. Chloe opened the door and saw an elderly wizard sitting behind his desk.  
  
"Good Afternoon, Headmaster. I am Chloe Gustafson. I've come to apply to the open Defense Against the Dark Arts position."  
  
"Ah, we finally have someone interested. Not many want a cursed job. Have a seat," he motioned to a chair.  
  
Chloe sat down and shrugged, "I need the money to be able to keep my apartment and I don't believe in cursed jobs. I think it's the people who are the cursed ones, not the actual job. A job isn't living nor is it an object, so curses don't apply to it."  
  
"Interesting theory. I'm Albus Dumbledore, by the way. Lemon drop?" asked Dumbledore. Chloe shook her head. "Do you have a resume and past records?" Chloe handed over the papers that were made up that very morning. Fake ones, stating fake jobs and phony records.  
  
Dumbledore silently looked over the records and was relieved that she had some experience in the Dark Arts Defense. He didn't want a teacher who knew nothing, especially now with Voldemort back. He looked at the papers for a couple minutes and finally looked up. What he saw surprised him, Fawkes was perched on Chloe's knee who was petting the top of his head. Fawkes never usually went to other people that fast. Chloe looked up and saw the surprise on the headmasters face.  
  
"I have a way with animals," she said to the unasked question.  
  
"Ah. Well, everything seems in order. You seem to have enough experience. Now, I must give you this test to determine your knowledge of the subject. It shouldn't be too hard and it won't count as a grade," assured Dumbledore.  
  
"Aw, shucks. I was hoping to be graded. I miss school that much and would love to have to worry about grades once more," came the reply. Dumbledore smiled and handed over the papers.  
  
Chloe looked over the questions and was relieved to see they were easy. She accepted the offered quill and started answering them. After a half an hour, Chloe finished the test and was about to hand it back to Dumbledore when she noticed that he was staring at something on the ceiling. Chloe glanced up and stared at the ceiling too, wondering what was so interesting.  
  
"That is a very interesting ceiling you have there. I love the texture and pattern to it. It's.different. It's ingenious that someone can create a roof, don't you think? I once had a family member in the roofing business. He fell off of the roof that he was building. Man, was that hilarious. I mean, only he could have fallen into the middle of the thorn weeds, rolled over only to get a face full of mud, and rolled over again right into a giant pile of elephant waste. He then proceeded to jump up ramming into the guy behind him, who lost his balance and tried to stop his fall by grabbing the ladder. The ladder tipped, fell, and broke a window and one of the main beams that was holding the house up. The beam was destroyed and the whole house collapsed. I was laughing my butt off and if flew all the way to China! Oooh, look a bug."  
  
Dumbledore had stopped his inspection of the ceiling when Chloe started talking and was now looking at her with a peculiar expression on his face. It was the look of one who is trying extremely hard not to laugh, be strict and disapproving, and also the look that someone would give an insane person. Chloe finished her ranting and glanced at the headmaster. She noticed his expression and gave a sheepish smile, then handed the test over, wordlessly.  
  
The headmaster took the test and snickered a little. He graded the test by magic and saw that Chloe had passed it with flying colors. He looked up with a smile to see her watching him intently.  
  
"I guess I won't have to look around for a person willing to take the job. You passed and are our new Defense teacher. Congratulations! Do you have your things?" Seeing Chloe nod he continued, "Great. I'll show you to your rooms."  
  
Dumbledore led Chloe down numerous corridors and secret passages, until they finally reached the Defense classroom. He showed her to her office and then to her rooms. He stopped in front of a painting depicting Uric the Oddball, listening to the Fwoopers music nonstop, driving him insane. She always loved that story, even if it was extremely strange.  
  
"Voldemort," Dumbledore said.  
  
It took Chloe a second to realize that must have been the password because the painting opened. She steeped in through the opening and was amazed! The room was huge, much bigger than she was used to! There was a couch and two comfortable looking arm chairs that were situated across from a fireplace. The room was decorated in silver and blue. There was a small coffee table and two doors leading off the main room. One door led to the bathroom. The other led into the bedroom. There was a king sized four- poster bed with silver hangings and sheets. A beautiful wood dresser was on the left and a desk to the right. The window overlooked the lake and had a wonderful view.  
  
"Hope the rooms are to your satisfaction," commented Dumbledore.  
  
"They're amazing, Headmaster. Thank you."  
  
He waved off the thanks and said, "You're a teacher now, so please call me Albus."  
  
"Alright, head honcho, err, I mean Albus. That might take some getting use to," mumbled Chloe. Dumbledore smiled, said bye, and departed.  
  
Chloe was still looking around the room in awe, when she remembered that she had to report back to Gul'dan, so he could pass the information up to the Powers-That-Be, in other words the boss. She pulled a small stone out of her pocket and tapped her wand with it once and said, "Gul'dan." At once Gul'dan's voice came out of the stone, while his head appeared on it, like a web cam.  
  
"Night Eye. I'm surprised you remembered what you were supposed to do. Here I was thinking that you didn't have one memory cell in your entire body."  
  
"Gul'dan. I may have a fairly bad memory, but at least I don't smell like a dog just went to the bathroom on me all the time, you yellow-bellied tree frog."  
  
"Shut up, spawn of Satan. What do you have to report?"  
  
"I got the job and Dumbledore wasn't even suspicious. We are in and I'm going to start the spying right away."  
  
"Good. Although if a mindless buffoon like you could get the job without suspicion, then I suppose even a pigeon could get the job without any suspicion."  
  
"Watch who you are talking to, naked mole rat. I'm the one you're going to get all the information from because you won't get up off your lazy butt to try. And I may just lie to get you in trouble. You wouldn't want that know would you?" With that Chloe shut off the stone before Gul'dan had a chance to reply and get the last word in. She put the stone back in her pocket and flopped down onto the couch to get a quick nap in before dinner.  
  
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A/N: Hi!! This is the author! Duh! This is my first fanfiction so please tell me what you think; I would be forever in your debt. I want to know if I should continue or not. If I do, I'll need some good, creative insults, so free fell to send me some. Just please, try to have them without swear words. I would really appreciate that. Thanks. 


	2. Meeting between two furture coworkers

**Disclaimer:  Of course this belongs to me!  I am the genius who created the Harry Potter world.  *hears sirens in the background and police running towards the house* Alright so maybe it's not mine.  I'm just a lowly poor high school student.  Everything you recognize is not mine and never will be mine.  So you can leave now, you cops. **

**Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up.  I was abducted by aliens who wanted to learn how to ride a bike.  So I had to stay with them until they learned.  Let me tell you this, aliens with five legs and only one arm do not do good on bikes.  Hopeless cases.  Anyways, here is the next chapter.  Sorry it's so short.**

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Chloe was rudely interrupted from her nap by the sound of the most annoying song that ever came into existence, "Rock Your Body."  She glanced around, bleary-eyed, trying to find the source of the noise, so that she could smash it into millions of little pieces with a sledgehammer, put the pieces in a blender, and feed them to penguins in the South Pole.  Her wandering eyes came to rest upon a sight that made her blood boil; her communication stone was on the table, lit up, meaning that someone is trying to reach her.  But that's not what made her blood boil; it was that the stone was the source of the dreadful song.  Someone had hacked into it and changed the tune while Chloe was sleeping.  

            "Gul'dan," growled Chloe to the empty room, swearing to get a sweet revenge out of it.  She got up and picked the stone off of the table, hoping that Gul'dan wasn't on the other side.  He wouldn't be alive for much longer if he was.  The stones were charmed so that no harm could come to the people on either side of them, but Chloe was going to try to break that charm if it was Gul'dan.  She pressed the nearly invisible button to talk to the other person.  Luckily, it was Turalyon.  

            "Hey, I love the song you picked.  Here, I was thinking that you didn't like the singer.  You must be a closet Justin Timberlake fan," Turalyon began with, laughing at the look on Chloe's face.  

            "Shut it before I curse you from here into the next century.  I didn't put that song on, you nitwit.  Gul'dan did," responded Chloe.

            "Suuuuurrrre, he did.  Always blame Gul'dan, why don't you?  Why can't you two just get along?  You're always fighting and insulting each other."

            "I always blame him because he is always to blame.  He is the source of all that is evil in this world.  And, no, we can't get along.  It's against my flying monkeys' religion.  Plus, the day we get along is the day the purple, orange-eyed, pink-haired, slithering, violin-playing elephants learn the cha-cha.  In other words, never!  But, I don't want to talk about him because the more I talk about him, the more ways I think of making him extinct.  What did you call for, anyways?" 

  
            "He says the same thing about you.  I didn't call to find out about your secret obsession of Jus-," Turalyon stopped short for he saw the look on Chloe's face.  "I got news from the Powers-That-Be, who got their news from someone else, who got their news from someone else and so on.  Voldemort is planning to break out his Death Eaters in Azkaban tonight around midnight, so Malfoy will be out and back into commission." 

            "Oh, goody!  We should throw him a welcome home party.  We'll have streamers and food and gifts and even a piñata.  Oh, we'll need some silly string, music, and…"

            "Night-Eye!  Shut up!" yelled Turalyon.  "He doesn't need a welcome home party.  I thought we were going to throw him a baby shower, anyways.  And he can't have two parties in one year."

            "Oh, yes, the baby shower," Chloe replied with an evil glint in her eye.  "He is so going to kill me for that.  Anyways, it's excellent news that Malfoy is getting out.  He is a valuable asset to us and Voldemort."

            "Yeah, the Powers-That-Be were starting to get worried that he would spend the rest of eternity in that god-forsaken spit of land." [1]

            "They're a bunch of idiots to think that Voldemort wouldn't release his Death Eaters from Azkaban.  I'm surrounded by idiots.  Is that all that you wanted to tell me because I am starving and if I remember correctly, the old man said dinner was at 6 o'clock."

            "Yep, that's all I had to say.  This was supposed to be Gul'dan's job you know, but the Powers-That-Be heard about his little prank on you and they feared for his safety, so I got appointed to it.  Oh, did I say that out loud?  You didn't hear that," Turalyon answered looking anything but guilty at mentioning that little piece of information.  The truth was the fighting among Gul'dan and Chloe was greatly amusing and legendary at their place of work.  Everyone thought it is hilarious and tries to encourage it in subtle ways.

            "Ha!  So it was him!  Oh, he will pay.  Well, if that's all you called for and needed to say, then I must jet.  Toodles and tell Gul'dan to watch his back," and with that Chloe shut off the stone.  She had this extremely annoying habit of having to get the last word in in a conversation.  She always shuts the stone off or leaves the room after she gets the last word in without waiting for a reply.  Chloe stood up, put the stone in her pocket and walked out the door.

            Once she stepped across the threshold, Chloe looked around; trying to determine which way was the Great Hall.  She had this slight problem of not being very good at directions.  She is always getting lost.  

"I think we came from that way earlier today," Chloe mumbled to herself, looking the opposite of the way they came from.  "So, to get food I should head back the way I came from, right?  Right."  With that Chloe took off, going the wrong way.    

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            Five minutes later found Chloe lost and in a place she has never seen before. Her five minutes of random wandering had led her deep into the castle.  The hallway was dark and torch-lit.  There were no windows about and it seemed like it was underground.  The hall had a musty smell mixed with smell of mixed potions.  It had a forbidding fell to it, almost like no one was welcomed.   

            "I guess that's what I get for being directionally challenged and not paying attention to where I was going on the way to the room with Dumbledore."  

            Chloe was just about to turn back when she heard a voice behind her.  

            "Well, well, well, what do we have here?  A useless person who lost their way and got lost in the dungeons.  Even one that talks to herself."  Chloe turned around and saw the most hideous thing that has ever been seen in the world.  A face was partly hidden in the shadows with a head full of what looked like grease and mold mixed together.  Something that looked like a nose protruded from the middle of the face.  Black eyes glared out at her from under the grease.

"VAMPIRE," thought Chloe and it wasn't until the look on the other 'things' face changed that she realized that she had spoken out loud.  Judging from the look of hatred being sent her way, Chloe decided that she was definitely in trouble.   

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**A/N:  Well, there was the chapter, I'm not really happy with it, but I figured I should post it before it becomes three months since I last posted and I have to get ready to go to work.    So, how was it?  Please review and tell me what you think.  Anything I could improve on?  Constructive criticism will be most helpful and flames will be feed to my purple giraffe.  Does anyone have any good insult I can use?  It would be most helpful to me, thanks.**

[1]:  That line came from Pirates of the Caribbean, so it's not mine.


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